The Fatherless Daughter

Is there a sale going on today?? Can I get some free food or snacks somewhere??

The fact that I haven't celebrated Father's Day since I was 8 y.o.... That was my mom and I last year living with my grandparents and my family would celebrate my wonderful grandfather. After that, there was no reason to celebrate it! I mean, I still send him cards and call him every year, but it's not the same!

See...my dad was one of those "pop up" dads. He and my mom split when I was a baby, and he's been in and out of my life ever since. He'd send a big box of gifts at Christmas and my birthday, and call every now and then but we have NEVER really had a relationship. That was something I'd always longed for, I wanted to know what it felt like and experience being a "Daddy's girl"! Nope...Just my mom and I.
SN: Thank GOD for her, I don't know where I would be without her.

When we moved back to Houston, I was excited because my dad lived here and I just figured that

we'd have that daddy/daughter relationship I had always wanted....NOT!

He came around when it was convenient, made promises he didn't keep....U know regular deadbeat ish. He did that for a few years after we moved back and one day he just went MIA. I mean nothing, when I was 14 years old until I was in my early 20's! Don't ask me where he went....I concluded that he went back to Africa(where he is from).
During that time, I had a hard time in my relationships with men. Looking for some kind of love and attention, from men. I dealt with some grade-A losers, u hear me!!??! Giving them chance after chance, accepting inconsistency, putting up with unnecessary bs. Just because I was trying to fill THAT void, you know? I wanted love and attention from a man! That went on for my teen years and well into my early 20's. I had a baby at 15 and was a rebellious and promiscuous teen. As I got older, I masked the hurt and pain with being "independent", putting an imaginary wall up, acting hard, crass and overly sarcastic. Back then I had no idea what was going on with me, but now I can look back and see what it was! Thank GOD for self  discovery and acceptance!

So, I'm 20 something... and this man actually contacted my cousin I grew up with, in order to reach me! Go figure!

So, here he comes again with this BS.....by this time in life, I'm over it. But now, I have a son and he starts doing the same bs to him! No sir, you will NOT!!! So, I stopped letting him interact with him period. He is still popping in and out, random phone calls, and weird visits. Currently, he's MIA yet again. I don't know if he's dead or alive.
What I DO know is that, I suffered for many years because of the broken relationship with my dad. See, I was broken myself on the inside...which caused me to do a variety of things that I can now see were caused by what I was lacking and seeking to fill that void with. I am grateful that I can now see the error in my ways and do better. I am grateful that I can move forward with my life and be a better mother, daughter and mate.
What I am MOST grateful for is that my MESS is now a MESSAGE and I can hopefully help a young girl that is going through what I went through as a teen/young adult or that young woman van take my story and now realize the error in her ways and do better!

Keep pushing fatherless daughters.... It gets greater, later!!!

XoXo

- Crysy